SPHINCTER AUGMENTATION
Return that dried up pressure valve into the tight elasticized sonic resonator of your dreams

RECTAL LIFT
For advance fart propulsion. Contact:
Dr.Helmut Derriere ASS.MD

SCUBA SUITS WITH FART BREATHE
Revolutionary new stretch material that lets the farts out but won’t let the water in. Available in all sizes and colors, Wholesale inquiries welcome.

INTRODUCING:
THE 2009 FARTMOBILE!
Harness your power!!!
Drive the car with class
That runs on human gas

FART JUGGLER POSITION OPEN
Must be good looking
self starter, and ambidextrous.

WANTED: SUPERINTENDENT OF FARTS
Senior position, Must be a cut above.
No amateurs need apply.

SPY NEEDED
No experience necessary
fart detection talents a bonus.

LOST
Heirloom farts, belonged to my Grandfather.
If found approach with caution. Huge rewards.

FART PHOTOGRAPHER NEEDED
British assignment. Must be willing to work under dangerous conditions. Applicants afraid of curry need not apply.