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| THE FART DR. |
 ASK McHESS
What You Should Know About Farts ...
But Were Afraid To Ask.
Why do the British fart more at home ?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but German researchers have proven they prefer to fart where they live.
Why do broccoli farts really stink bad?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but my professor once told me it is because the vegetable tastes like a fart.
Do police officers fart at badminton games?
Answer: One of my favorite questions!! Not on duty, but during breaks and if they have the day off.
Don’t be afraid, send your questions to McHess The Fart Dr. |
| VIDEO FARTHATON |
Videos that'll tickle your fart fancies
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| PASSED GAS |
Fartoholic News Archives
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OCTOBER IS:
MYSTERY FARTS OF HALLOWEEN MONTH
Things will get creepy this month when farters don their disguises, no one will know whose stink it is.
ALTERNATE ENERGY CONFERENCE UNLEACHES VICIOUS ATTACK ON WIND POWERED AUTO PROTOTYPE
Just when we were losing our sense of humor at the gas pump along comes Gepetrepot Manginooy’s Wind powered Fart mobile at the 2008 AEC show in Guelph Ontario. Capable of  short distances of about ten feet per fart, his vehicle doesn’t really seemed practical for high speed commutes, or does it? The ACE poo-pooed Mr. Manginooy’s efforts suggesting his vehicle did not fall into the category of a real wind powered car.
“Oh no I beg to differ. If you take responsibility with what you eat you can pass gas like I do and commute great distances. I have found by eating curry for breakfast and then again for lunch and then again for supper. I am able to travel comfortably at 45 MPH distances of over 20 miles without out major interruption or downtime. The secret is really in what you eat,” ranted Mr. Manginooy.
Share Your Sweet Scentiments ...
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NEW BLOG of FARTS
Tell us what's on your derriere!
Release your inner fart onto the world wide web on the Fartoholics.com Blog of Farts - click here
ELEVATOR REPAIR MAN COLLAPSES: INTESTINAL VAPOR LOCK
Arnold McCalister of Leeds England couldn’t fart this morning, and passed out while attempting to repair the 35 story elevator at the Belling building on Knightsbridge Cirrcle. Mr McCalister’s gases were trapped in what some doctors blew off as a twisted bowel. However, after a thorough examination, Indian Doctor Berhadohi Sepicomthimmi has confirmed that the heat of Mr McCalister’s fart gas was so intense that it formed a vapor lock in his bowel. This is quite common in hotter climates especially with hot spicy dishes laughed Dr.Sepicomthimmi. The solution is something our mothers used to do to us when we were schoolboys in the old country. Clip a wooden clothes pin onto your penis and it will cool the gas enough to allow it to pass.
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Might be a good time to kiss a frog ...
with your farts it will be a long time
before your Prince will come |
| click to enlarge |
TOWN OF CROSBY MINNESOTA CANCELS FIREWORKS SHOW
HIRES TIM BERGMERE’S FART LASER EXTRAVAGANZA!!!!
Mayor Quigby was tickled pink to save his town the annual expense of nine hundred dollars for the fourth of July Fireworks Celebration this past June. “We always have it one month early, I’m not sure why, but this year we fired the Pyrotechnician and hired the services of our local resident and town farter, Tim Bergmere. It’s phenomenal what the kids can do these days. He can launch his farts as lasers in five different colors. His farts are more colorful, more spectacular, louder than fireworks, and cheaper I might add. All Tim wanted as compensation to put on the spectacle was a jar of pickled eggs and all the left over hot dog wieners from The Bun and Burp the night before the show. We will make this a regular event.”
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THE MUST HAVE CD FOR
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Wholesale enquiries welcome - contact us
more info - click here |
| TELL-A-FRIEND! |
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| FARTS ON FILM |
Reginald Von Blastonpoofer III
REVIEWS MOVIES THAT REALLY FART
Over My Dead Body exhibits a stunning sequence of fartalidge, from such an unsuspecting source. 2 farts up. Best farts in a movie I’ve heard this year. I highly recommend this film, |
| METEOROLOGICAL MOVEMENTS |
FART CLOUD APPEARS OVER ANTARCTICA
 Scientists were stunned Thursday when aerial views of our seventh continent seemed to reveal a gaseous cloud over the southern region of Antarctica. First believed to be smog from South America, now researchers claim air samples reveal penguin farts and Canadian tourists to be the main culprits. |
| FART BLOTTER |
CRAZED ANGRY FARTERS TOSSED FROM AMUSEMENT PARK
Four lads from Stroud expelled from park, last Wednesday evening. “It’s just that isn’t it? It’s an amusement park, and we were just amusing ourselves, nothing wrong with that,” quipped one firey lad on a visit to Blackpool. However one fairgoer had a different view. “I don’t mind a good fart once in awhile but these lads had taken lollies with their names on them, inserted them into their eh uh, darkened regions and then propelled them out like rocket launchers.”
SOUTH AFRICAN BUNGI JUMPER FARTS:
SNAPS CORD
Onejo Gaboibo plunged to his death Tuesday after bungi jumping from a height of 200 feet. Observers say all was going well and that Mr Gaboibo survived the jump until at the last minute in all the excitement he let out a fart that was too much for the cords elasticity rating, it snapped and Mr. Gaboibo plunged into the crocodile filled Swangazee River and was eaten alive. Survived by his wife Heneena and four children Kamazoo, Botsweena, Dagonzo and Betwilda, Mr Gaboibo will be sadly missed in the tiny community of Jainzouack where he served wieners in buns to native fisherman free of charge on Wednesdays from his small vender cart that he inherited from his father, the Great Onejebobo Gaboibo. |
| GAS-TRONOMY |
 FARTERS LOVE HOT SAUCES
“When I’m looking for that extra special burst of energy, or when I want my farts to really fly I push my vapors to cloud nine by pouring hot sauce all over everything I eat. I really notice the extra snap ... and what the heck it makes everything taste better too. I used to use Bad Girls In Heat and Sultan’s Main Squeeze but they stopped making them, “ said John Petersby of Buffalo NY. “Wait a minute, wait a minute I think I have something I can share with your readers right now, Rrrrrrrripppppp!” Just like that Mr. Petersby let one rip and what a stench whew! Looks like Mr. Petersby’s secret is out.
FART DISPENSERS IN POPULAR RESTAURANT CHAIN
First there were free corn-battered sea lice, then fried eel gizzards, now Captain Pickeral’s chain of fine fish restaurants has patronized it’s clientele once again. This time with fart dispensers for the returning customers that so patiently wait in the mass lines for tables. The Captain himself admits that most of his customers come back for the fish farts alone…. or sometimes with a friend. “ Dere dey are standin’ in line not knowin’ what to do with themselves. I give the option of getting a prequill whiff of what’s to come and I makes a quarter at it. These are fresh fish farts from our dish staff. We collect them daily and vacuum pack them in tiny plastic balls. It’s the real deal”, boasts The Captain. |
| THE LIGHTER SIDE OF FARTS |
PRISONER OF WAR RESCUED:
FARTS MORSE CODE
Frank Sofalvi is back home after a three year kipnapping ordeal in his home country of Romania. “My kidnappers cut off my legs and arms and then cut out my tongue and larynx,” Mr. Sofalvi farted in morse code during an interview Tuesday at the London Arms hotel in Tillsonberg Ontario. He went on to fart “They wanted my money but I didn’t have any so they just kept removing body parts. But I outsmarted them. They put me on a diet of gruel like my mother used to make me for breakfast , but their big mistake was feeding it to me three times a day. I was able to fart non-stop. One night some neighbors heard me farting and pounded on the door yelling “Stop that racket, we’re trying to sleep.” I knew they wanted me to stop farting but it was the only way to attract attention. Suddenly I remembered my morse code and started farting for help. The rest is history.” Mr. Sofalvi is enjoying an early retirement with his friends and family in the heart of tobacco growing country in Canada. |
| SKINNY SCENTS |
FARTS BECOME FASHIONABLE ONCE AGAIN
 Models sporting the latest fashions can be heard flutterblasting their way up and down the runways from NY to Milan. Some buyers go just for the stink.
There was a time when people suppressed their farts, but those days are long over. Now many people fart on trains, buses, airplanes, even cruise ships, not to mention taxis and bicycles. They also fart when they feel like it. It has been medically proven that holding in farts is the leading cause of stomach rumblings. |
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