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| THE FART DR. |
 ASK McHESS
What You Should Know About Farts ...
But Were Afraid To Ask.
Why is it that Canadian’s fart more at home?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but German researchers have proven they prefer to fart where they live.
Why do Canadian broccoli farts smell stronger than US broccoli farts?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but my professor once told me it is because it is colder in Canada and dinosaurs had more fur. More rotting fur content in soil makes for more pungent farts in vegetables.
Do police constables fart at cricket matches?
Answer: One of my favorite questions!! Not on duty, but during breaks and if they have the day off.
Don’t be afraid, send your questions to McHess The Fart Dr. |
| VIDEO FARTHATON |
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| PASSED GAS |
Fartoholic News Archives
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NOVEMBER IS:
FIRST FARTS OF WINTER MONTH
Gently they fall, like fresh new winter snow. You remember that smell from last year the first hot chili farts for those first cold winter nights.
 DURIAN THAT CRAZY, STINKY FRUIT THAT TASTES LIKE A FART
It’s been called the Queen of fruits, that spiky stinky fruit, and a lot of other names, but one thing is for sure, it separates the men from the boys. Often served cold to mask the rotting cheese, dirty synthetic sock perfume of it’s delicate custard flesh, it is none the less the most popular fruit in all of Asia.
Share Your Sweet Scentiments ...
ON THE NEWEST
FART BLOG
Tell us what's on your derriere!
Release your most intimate fart stories onto the world wide web. Fartoholics.com - click here
FART STINK CONTROLS BLOOD PRESSURE
The egg smell in farts controls blood pressure in mice, a new study finds. The aroma of the gas, hydrogen sulfide (H2S), is expelled by bacteria living in the human colon, through a process called farting.
New research found that cells lining mice's blood vessels naturally make the gas and this keeps the rodents' blood pressure low by relaxing the blood vessels to prevent hypertension (high blood pressure). This is probably true for humans as well. What a way to control blood pressure. Have you had your egg fart today? We can only hope that Scientists will soon come up with a pill that will make us fart.
THE MAN WHO
HASN’T
STOPPED FARTING
Leo Swartz or Digger as his family calls him, has had one constant fart since he was born. “I’ve been farting non-stop for 32 years to the day”, Leo muttered as he turned around to fart out his birthday candles. “It was tough in grade school, especially when we took a moment of silence when our Principal was suddenly attacked by a sheep and died of a rare strain of venereal disease. The kids seemed to get used to the noise of my constant fart, but that moment of silence was deafening. It’s a nuisance when I go to the movies or just about anywhere for that matter. I always have to drive with the windows down. Sometimes I can’t hear a police siren or ambulance. I wear a special medical tag around my neck to prove my condition. ”Dr. HT Slagment of the University of Tillsonberg has examined Mr. Swartz and has determined he suffers from a chronic ailment called Farticulosous. “I have never seen such a case, he’s like a walking, talking, farting alternative source of energy”. Mr. Swartz is employed by Ricon Weather Balloon Industries. “I can keep a hot air-balloon inflated indefinitely” boasted Leo who helps our country monitor our ever changing atmospheric conditions from 35,000 feet above. “I just never seem to run out of gas.”
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Spraying your butt with air freshener
is like putting lipstick on a pig. |
| click to enlarge |
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| TELL-A-FRIEND! |
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| SPORTY FARTS |
 HOCKEY PLAYER FARTS WEDDING MARCH AT OWN WEDDING
The newly ordained and typically shy Mrs. Phinius Brisket wife of the Springfield Soilers superstar goalie, was awestruck Saturday as her newly pronounced husband broke out in a spiritually rousing rendition of Felix Mendelssohn’s Wedding March, entirely with his own farts. “I wanted to do something special at the wedding that my fellow team members would appreciate. A wedding is all fancy and everything and I was hoping that my little ditty, just for a moment, would bring it down to their level. You know something for them.”
COUGHING CHEERLEADER RELAXES SPHINCTER:
KEY TO FARTING
Blonde cheerleader 43 year old Desiree Delmonico has suffered since becoming a cheerleader, the inability to fart. It was a life long dream of mine to fart before my hair turned gray. “Given the choice of giving up cheerleading or being able to fart, there is no choice. I will never give up cheerleading, even when I’m sixty. However one day I coughed and a fart came out, and lo and behold it was mine. My first real fart as a blonde cheerleader. I say that because a few years back I had a mechanical implant, but most of the girls knew I was faking it. Now I just cough when I want to fart. It is a miracle”, remarked the astounded Desiree as she demonstrated her new talent coaxing out what had to be the stalest oldest fart ever trapped in a human body. |
| FART AFTER DARK |
COUNTING FARTS
REMARKABLE SLEEP TECHNIQUE FOR INSOMNICS
Joshawa Rubins of Billings Montana is a happy camper these days.
"I was having trouble falling asleep. I just laid there listening to my farts. One right after the other. My blankets are in a constant state of levitation. I thought why not start counting my farts. Before I knew it I didn't know it anymore. What I mean is I fell asleep. Most nights by the time I get to about 300 farts or so I’m sawing logs. I have been able to do this three nights in a row. I feel so rested in the morning. I am a changed person. I wish I had counted my farts years ago. |
| ROLLIN' AND FLOATIN' |
FRENCH BUSMAKER DESIGNS FARTING LOUNGE
“We make toilets that do funny things why not designate a place where people can stretch out relax and fart. It’s sort of like the old smoking section on a plane or movie theatre. The last nine rows. I have incorporated a fart lounge into my new megabus. Farters can have the peace of mind to know they are not disturbing the other passengers and that they are in good company. A thin drape will separate the 9th and 10th rows”, boasted Gilles le Blanc. |
| FARTERTAINMENT NEWS |
TALK SHOW HOST ELMER APPLEBY
FARTS ON PRIMETIME
In 2007 the Canadian broadcasting regulations changed to allow farting on television to be allowed only after 10PM. Last night at 8:03 PM Elmer let out a flutterblaster that curled the audiences toes. “The show was taped and supposed to air in a time zone where it would be after 10, but because the hockey game got off to a late start due to a bus accident, the network decided to do a live feed without consulting me. So technically the fart was okay because it would have aired after 10”, gloated the angry comedian. |
| HALLOWEEN ROUNDUP |
FART COSTUME MOST POPULAR ACROSS LOWER 48
Those little stinkers from Bangor to San Ysidero, from Spokane to Homestead, were out in force this Halloween.What a display of affection for America’s favorite pastime, popping off farts. The baloney fart costume was by far the most popular amongst trick or treaters, but the boiled dung beetle with lentils was a close second. |
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