Nothing like farting on a road trip, someplace new, or just taking in some foul air in the backyard hammock. Eating in roadside cantinas, neighbors barbeques, or beach picnics, wearever you chow down this summer, try something new, you may just be surprised at what your farts have to say about it.

LIFE ON MARS!!!

FISH FART BUBBLES FOUND IN ICE ON MARS
Scientists are elated. “We hoped we would find water, but never in a million years expected this.” Although tests are not inclusive it appears the bubbles may have come from a Martian monkey fish.

MAN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS:
STOPS FARTING
Mr. David Coyote, a resident of Tillsonberg Ontario, claims he was abducted by aliens. “They cured my farting problem. I was walking around my backyard collecting night crawlers for a fishing trip with my son Stephen, when I heard a whirring noise. I looked up and saw bright lights and a cigar shaped disk. It was just hovering above my back yard. Within seconds I was being drawn up into the air and the next thing I knew I was waking up on a metal table under bright lights. Two women were standing over me, well I think they were women, they had large bosoms, but their faces looked like men. They were very friendly as they removed a tube from my buttocks. They told me in weird electronic voices that they now had enough fuel to go home. All I can figure is they were able to take decayed matter from my bowels, something like a colonic and use it as fuel. Ever since they returned me to my backyard I have been unable to fart.

Howard Stern kicks ass on You Tube Fart Channel ...
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MAN ALLERGIC TO OWN FRIED CHICKEN FARTS

“Aaacchooo!” Sneezed Robert Bickering of Kansas City Kansas. “Goose-in-tight” I replied waiting for a laugh, but there was an awkward silence then he sputtered “ Lemme check.”, He reached around back and wiggled his butt. “Fried catfish, fried pork, fried meatballs, fried turkey, none dose get me to sneezing. I done did eat plate of meat after meat after meat, fart me up sompen special to last the night, nothing, no sneezing . But I tell you what, one piece fried chicken, hour laters, drop myself one fart my nose, get all soft and rubbery, it’s just sneeze after sneeze after sneeze after sneeze after sneeze. “ Mr. Bickering suffers every Saturday night after winning a lifetime supply of fried chicken at bingo. “Whas a man to do, chickens there gots to be eat. Aaaachhooooo!”

JOURNALIST REFUSES TO REMOVE HALLOWEEN COSTUME DIAPER

Tempers flair as embarrassing air-check videos surface at NANB Convention. Network anchor Jon Broadbent disgraced his network by refusing to remove his Halloween diaper before appearing on his regular newscast last Halloween. “I was wearing the diaper and nothing else, what was I supposed to do? We were having a network party, I accidentally got drunk moments before my newscast and had an accident I went off the air if you know what I mean. I just walked over to my chair and went on the air, let me correct that I walked over to my chair after going off air and got on the air, as if nothing was different, It’s not like I stood up and revealed to the weather girl what was in my diaper. I don’t understand what all the hullabaloo is about. I ‘m sure I’m not the first to have done this.”

When talking your dog for a walk, and farting where he pees, don't be surprised if at home he pees where you fart

click to enlarge

PIZZA DELIVERY BOY WINS FIRST PRIZE IN FARTING CONTEST

Charlie Smith of London Ontario defeated Russell Tandy in the inter-city grand nationals yesterday in Bothwell. Charlie was able to crank out something very special for the judges, whereas Russell just didn’t seem to have it in him. A ticker tape parade will be held at Smidgefield High Tuesday for the Champion. Francis and Gus Pizza in recognition of his achievement are giving the young farter the night off.

UNDERWEAR SALESMAN:
FART FETISHIST RETIRES

Traveling underwear salesman Lars Delvechio of Van Nuys California had been making the underwear circuit for 63 years. Retired just today, at a family gathering, surrounded by his siblings, customers, and some rather irate neighbors, Mr. Delvechio had these words for Fartoholics.com. “I was just a babe in swaddling diapers when my father left us and I was forced to support my 21 brothers and 11 sisters any way I could. I worked 14 hour days, riding my custom homemade bicycle with pink plastic streamers gaily flowing from the handle grips, from door to door, selling handmade goods my dear sweet mother would make, from old torn hospital bed sheets. My custom bell would announce my arrival and usually customers would be at their front doors with open arms before I could even get my bike on it’s kick stand. I could have done it for another 63 years but mom is getting old and was ready to hang up her needle and thread.” Mr. Delvechio failed to mention that he was forcibly retired from his life long career three years ago and just recently released from prison because of his farting obsession through screen doors at disinterested customers.