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| THE FART DR. |
 ASK McHESS
What You Should Know About Farts ...
But Were Afraid To Ask.
Why do reindeer farts smell more at Christmas?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but German researchers have proven that flying makes them nervous.
Why are Australian french fry farts louder than US french fry farts?
Answer: No one knows for sure, but my professor once told me it is because in Australia, fast food handlers carbonate the cooking oils with beer.
Do police constables fart at flea circuses?
Answer: One of my favorite questions!! No, they have taken an oath not to, because it scares the insects, and in the case of some, recite Shakespeare.
Don’t be afraid, send your questions to McHess The Fart Dr. |
| VIDEO FARTHATON |
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| PASSED GAS |
Fartoholic News Archives
December 2008 >>
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May 2008 >> |
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DECEMBER IS:
THAT JOLLY MERRY FARTING SEASON
You can smell it in the air. Tis the season when farters young and old gather together, put their disagreements aside, let bygones be bygones, and share their finest with neighbors and friends.
HOROSCOPE PROVIDES MISSING LINK TO STINK: FARTOSCOPE
Imagine the thrill of waking up and checking your Fart Horoscope to get the heads up on what your butt has in store  for you today and everyday. After reading yours, perhaps you’ll decide not to wear white, perhaps decide not to wear that tight girdle, or realize that today may not be the best day to go to the opera. Instead you might decide it’s a good day to hang around your neighbors and get back at them for not inviting you to their recent garlic bean festival. Or get a jump on Christmas shopping by jarring up a few of your most jarring. Check your fartoscope daily at www.fartoholics.com.
Share Your Sweet Scentiments ...
ON THE NEWEST
FART BLOG
Tell us what's on your derriere!
Release your most intimate fart stories onto the world wide web. Fartoholics.com - click here
FARTMAN ROCKS
MTV VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS
Howard Stern kicks ass on You Tube Fart Channel ...
watch it now
- click here
COLLEGE STUDENTS HOLD FART-IN: UNCOVER FORTUNE -
PRAISED BY DEAN
 The Alpena campus at this Michigan college has new reason to celebrate. 1300 students from this agriculture college made quite a stink holding their first annual fart-in, enough to make the wallpaper peel off the walls of the Great Room. Underneath the blue-red floral pattern were US silver certificate bills that totaled well over 14 million dollars. Dean Stanton was upset when he first heard about the event, but quickly came to his senses when the cash was uncovered.” We had started looking for ways of increasing revenue here at Alpena, our first thought was to consider selling pig milk, Moink TM to the local school cafeterias in the greater area. We have the student manpower to harness such a project, and it would take the burden off the students from increased tuition fees, as well as breed awareness of the college. Plans have been scraped now that we are one of the wealthiest schools in the country. We plan to have future fart-ins in our other halls and faculty lounges. Who knows what else will be uncovered when our students put their butts to work”, chuckled Dean Stanton in his new kilt.
| GOVERNMENT HEALTH WARNING: |
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| DO NOT SWALLOW CHEWING GUM! |
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| You add your own personal touch to everything you do. That explains why you tried to copy your farts on the copy machine, while others are happy just copying their butt. |
| click to enlarge |
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| FART CD OF THE MONTH |
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THE MUST HAVE CD FOR
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more info - click here |
| TELL-A-FRIEND! |
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| FARTS ON FILM |
THE LOVE GURU
Ranks #1 for funniest spiritually uplifting farts in a movie. Brilliant, and who would have the foresight to cast Verne Troyer as a Punch Imlach double. Don't miss it. |
| AULD LANG GAS |
THRONGS OF FARTERS ABOUT TO GATHER
TO FART IN THE NEW YEAR
Some say it has been a year we’ll never forget. Well to most it depends at what stage of Alzheimer’s you’re at. It has been difficult, and more many a financial disaster. From coast to coast and around the world, many are returning to the simpler things in life, homemade fun, dinner at home, friends by for an evening of chatting and farting. Sources tell us we can expect to see better than average numbers in our town squares and city circles this New Years, farting in Day One. From all of us here at Fartoholics.com, to all are loyal readers, we wish you peace, happiness, prosperity, health and of course the best year of farting ever. |
| UNDERGROUND EMISSIONS |
FARTS SAVE COAL MINERS AND CO-WORKERS LIVES
Wales: Stewart Glothesperirthgo and six of his fellow workers were rescued from their collapsed mine shaft  Sunday after a four day ordeal. “ With no food or water I had to rely on my body to burn my body fat to make the farts that saved our lives”, muttered Stewart. “We were trapped at the lower level, my co-workers said my farts were responsible for the cave in the first place, and I think they were right. I remember leaning up against an old oak beam, then I farted and the ceiling caved in. I was determined to get us out. I immediately started farting into a broken water pipe thinking that someone, other than my co-workers might hear my farts. Sure enough they did after four days they were able to reach our pocket in the mine and rescue us. It is ironic that it was one of the very same farts that contributed to the cave-in, that got us freed. All except poor Johnny Sparrow, I’m afraid my farts were too much for him. |
| FART GADGETRY |
REVOLUTIONARY NEW FIREPLACE FARTING TOOL
Imagine simply walking over to your fireplace, strapping on a fireproof funnel-like feeder tube to your buttocks and inserting the flared end to that stubborn wet log that’s dampening your dream of a cozy romantic evening. It’s all possible with “Log de-damper”. One blast of your fart, blown through our patented log drying devise, a flash of light, a poof and you’ll smell more than smoke. Your girlfriend’s eyes will light up the room when your farts blast more than the chill out of the air on these cold winter nights. |
| GAS-TRONOMY |
 FART FREE BEANS, MEANS THE FARTS ARE FREE
Most male English doily makers after a full day of stitching doilies, like to go out with the boys and pop off a few good farts.” It sort of cleanses my spirit of the guilt of doing girlie work”, explained Reginald Thobblenoggs. The cafeteria at Stroud Doily Works has altered their menu in an attempt to make their beans fart free, and in an overall effort to make the work environment scent free. Their plan back fired on them. Turns out fart free beans produce as much intestinal gas as regular beans |
| FART ARTS |
BASE GIFARTIST OF THE BUTTSONICS
INJECTS NEW STINK INTO HIS MUSIC
Craig Tandy came up with the fart sound that all other base gifartists emulate. Well stand back because now he has a new sound, a sound that really stinks. ‘I started experimenting with soft boiled eggs, cooking them to various times, then making a note of the sulphur content of my farts. I’ve come up with what I believe to be a new level of stink. I’m not saying anything but undercooking appears to have it’s rewards”, hailed fart legend Mr. Tandy. |
| ART OF FARTS |
 BATHTUB FART
SENSATIONAL NEW TWIST
Whiffledorfs from coast to coast are climbing on board this new spin on farting in the bathtub. The latest craze is filling your bathtub with gelatin desserts, climbing in and letting them rip.”I farted into raspberry on Wednesday, lime on Tuesday and Sunday I had three flavors stacked, orange, black currant and gooseberry. Farting in the tub has never been this much fun or tasty, and what a sound. Wives like it because husbands are taking more baths now, and their farts are sweeter smelling because of the artificial flavorings, proclaimed a rather excited squeaky clean Tim Rogerson. |
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